BRENTZILLA

• Off to Idaho. United is busy separating us into Elites, Super Elites, Supremo Premium Platinum Elites, and skags. And yes, I am a skag. #
• United is doing “maintenance” on my plane. For the record, UA always does maintenance whenever I fly with them. Confidence? Not so much #
• United Airlines only received a 2 out of 5 in JD Power’s 2009 North American Airline Satisfaction Study for “overall customer satisfaction.” #
• I can see United Airline’s fat mechanic remove a bolt, stare at it for hours, then replace it. Rinse and repeat, rinse and repeat. #
• “We expect to board in five to ten minutes,” announced United Airline’s liar. “I know you’ve heard me say this a few times before…” #
• And, if you have same haircut as that guy in “No Country for Old Men” who liked flipping quarters, don’t, you freakin’ dork. #
• Oh! Oh! They’re boarding us! I’m seated! I’m relaxed! Whup, no, they’re deboarding us. Fuck you, United Airlines, you’re fired. #

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