BRENTZILLA

• I knew what I was ordering when I ordered the avocado toast. But I was still surprised to see it. #
• Never want to hurt your feelings, especially when I heart you. But I’m an ass, the sort that can’t see how dumb he is cuz he’s sooooo smart. #
• My landlord keeps dummy cars in spots on the street to keep enemies from parking in them. Sure, fine. Love the Yugo. #
• Also: I can’t believe that the people I grew up with have kids. Except for Ken. No surprise there. #
• Whenever I exit the car, I have to track down my wallet, iPhone, iPod. Hide the asshole earpiece. Remember my keys. Life’s sooo complicated. #
• If ever I do publish this book thing, I will end civilization as we know it. (Not really. Don’t worry.) #
• I’ve never taken my laptop into a bar. I can drink and write and shit my pants. But that’s what’s neat about growing up, trying new things. #
• (It would suck if a meteor creamed me right now and the previous was my last tweet ever, so I’m going to post this now.) #
• BTW: Taking notes for your book on your iPhone is an asshole thing to do. #

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