BRENTZILLA

• Hey guys, country first! Do you hear me? I SAID COUNTRY FIRST. And so, country first. That’s it. Go home. Country… pant, pant… first… #
• Since my Starbucks closed, I’ve been lost. They took away my “third place,” as they called it. I’m thirdplaceless. #
• So, I’m at another Starbucks this morning. It’s in the student quarter, and my manpresence upsets the herd. So I sit in the homeless corner. #
• And I forgot to bring my New Yorker or my copy of The Watchmen. So I’m telling you about it. Someone in this corner stinks. Feeling grumpy. #
• Dumb bacon vids are like bad sex: Stilllllll goood: http://bit.ly/1w6BRW #
• The New York Sun ceased pubbing after seven years. Founded by conservatives who hated The NYT. No surprise: Their content stunk up the room. #
• Dad wanted me to buy neighbor’s VHS tapes of Star Trek: Next Generation. All 84 of them. “Only $50!” Figured I’d “turn them around.” WTF? #
• Comedy’s Golden Rule: “Again” is the funniest word in English. Examples: Seinfeld, Judd Winnick of “Road Rules” fame, @CcSteff. #
• Goddamnit. That’s Judd Winnick of “The Real World” fame. Stoopid stoopid STOOPID! #
• I’m not, @levendis #
• Sigur Ros ought not perform in English. For no other reason than it just doesn’t sound good. At all. Song is “All Alright,” and this is not. #
• Notice that you never say “capoeira” without preceding it with “That crazy asshole tweaker who does”? #
• Listening to the main I.T. guy’s message, which consists of half a minute of actual message, and 90 seconds of mouthbreathing. #

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