BRENTZILLA

Notes from Tuesday nights’ Man Conference (as taken on Twitter), where men convened to lend man strength to another member of the XY-chromosome set whose heart had been torn out of his chest by his at-the-moment-it-happened girlfriend…

We’ve all been there. And while much good and bad advice was proffered by all, somethings had to be noted for posterity’s sake. (And yes, yes… I know Man Laws. You know Man Laws. WE ALL KNOW MAN LAWS).

Begin:

Man Conference: It has convened (9:25 p.m.)

Man Conference: Incans rubbed guinea pigs all over a sick man’s body to absorb the ailment. (9:26)

Man Conference: Ladies, if you withhold the sex, you probably don’t love us anymore. (9:31)

Man Conference: A lot of bigger ladies hang out at Club Mallard (9:37)

Man Conference: Therapists can be paid with sex; are able to unzip your pants with their mental powers (9:41)

Man Conference: 18 minutes until $3 beers (9:42)

Man Conference: Forgetting you signed an NDA is definitely a defense in court… (9:52)

Man Conference: After tonight, I’m thinking it’s okay to be single (10:00)

Man Conference: There is a Clift Hotel and Cliff House in the West Bay. There is no Clit House, however (10:08)

Man Conference: Never order a mojito at a Man Conference. Evar (10:16)

Man Conference: [WOUNDED DUDE]: “I’m not a ready for strip clubs.” Yeah. Me neither. Liar! (10:29)

Man Conference: Sweeeeet (10:37)

Man Conference: My native intelligence is awesome radical. Rock (10:38)

Man Conference: I like my neon cowboy-hat underwear. Man Conference over (11:11)